“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.” ~ Blogformentalhealth.com
Clearly the main focus of maggiemaeijustsaythis is to bring attention to different struggles and challenges that people have everyday. I always hope that my blog helps someone feel like they are not completely alone in the world….because we aren’t, and we shouldn’t have to feel ashamed or embarrassed because we are trying so hard to not be debilitated by our struggles.
I am sure that my own struggles show in my writing, but I rarely talk about it….like most other people that suffer from mental health issues. As part of Blog For Mental Health 2015, we are asked to share a bit about our own experience with mental health problems and I can’t think of a better reason to talk about mine than to help raise awareness and erase stigmas surrounding the serious and life-impacting devastation that is all mental health issues.
Ever since I was a child I have suffered from rapid cycling bipolar disorder that was not diagnosed and properly treated until a few months ago. (I am 31 yrs old). The bipolar disorder caused a lot of anxiety, paranoia, and slight hallucinations. The manic episodes catapulted me into de-realization and depersonalization so much that it has been very difficult for me to form close connections with people. In my teenage years, doctors were constantly changing my medication. They insisted that I had major depression, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety….etc. All of the medications made me feel like a zombie which took even more away from my ability to form close relationships with people.
I started self-harming when I was under 10 years old, though I don’t remember the age. I started by slamming my knees and elbows into things. I hit my head extremely hard on objects to try to give myself amnesia or something worse. I had suicide letters in place at the age of 11…(just in case.) I burned, I cut, I used erasers, I used needles, I used glass, I used anything I could find to inflict pain on myself. I was obsessed with death and dying for most of my life. Which led me to Emily Dickinson ;)
This, on top of other very personal situations I’ve lived, is what has brought me here and is the most significant force behind why I write. Writing is how I cope. I’ve been writing since I was 14. It takes me somewhere that no thing, no person, no place, can ever take me to. I am in Heaven when I write. I am at peace when I write.
And, If I’m lucky….I get the privilege of getting to talk to some of you!!!
<3 ~ XOXO MM